✨The "Good Death" Discussion

This post is about Death Doulas.

We are especially fortunate at Goodwin Living (the parent organization for Goodwin House Bailey's Crossroads, where I live), in that we have Goodwin Hospice, which serves both the hospice-eligible people in our three residential communities and external community members throughout Northern Virginia.

Even beyond that, Goodwin Hospice patients are eligible for the services of a death doula at no charge. Costs are covered by the Goodwin Living Foundation. There is a contract with a local doula firm, Present For You (PFY), which has a number of skilled doulas on its roster. If someone wants doula services before becoming eligible for hospice, they may work separately (private pay) either with PFY or with another of dozens of trained doulas in the DC Metropolitan Region.

A death doula might be called a "death midwife," a "transition guide," an "end-of-life doula," or another term. The doula's job is to help a patient and family prepare for a major new experience. The doula is not a medical person (though many have backgrounds in health care); nor a lawyer (though they'll know the main documents and requirements in your state); nor a religious professional (though nearly all are sensitive to the spiritual experiences that often surround dying). Different doulas focus on many different tasks, but the characteristic that marks any good doula is PRESENCE. A doula can sit with you when a hospice nurse or chaplain may need to move on to a different patient. A doula is yours.

Doulas are usually trained, sometimes certified by a particular school, but there is no licensure requirement at this point. If you want to work with a doula, ask around for referrals and then believe your instinct about one you trust, one who makes you feel comfortable.

At Goodwin House Bailey's Crossroads (GHBC) in Falls Church, Virginia, groups of residents have been working on death-related issues for two years. Management and team members have supported us, but residents do the work. We love it, and we believe we are providing an important service. This post is about death cafe. I'll post separately about doulas and end-of-life issues.

Death Cafe. We started running death cafes for residents in 2023, at the suggestion of our then Director of Social Work. Since I had experience running them in other settings (both in-person and online), I became the facilitator. We now have a second resident facilitator, and we run one or two groups every First Sunday, plus another every Fourth Thursday; in the Thursday group, we use microphones to include everyone. Monthly attendance averages about 20-25 total. Death Cafe is intended to help people share from their hearts about death and dying, to demystify death so that we can live our lives more fully. We aim to create a safe, strictly confidential environment where people can talk freely about topics that may otherwise be taboo.

Death Cafe is an international movement (www.deathcafe.com) first popularized in Britain in 2011. Having been held in 90+ countries since then, more than 20,000 sessions have taken place. To highlight the sweetness of life and to give people something to do with their hands, cake and tea are offered. At GHBC, volunteers bring cake or cookies, and we invite participants to bring their own tea or coffee.

Anyone can run a death cafe so long as they abide by the guidelines clearly posted at deathcafe.com. I personally make it a point to attend an outside "open" death cafe each month, to avoid being sucked into insularity here. We want to provide the best environment possible for our fellow residents.

We should definitely talk about such issues and we should also be increasingly alert to the private equity invasion of what used to be a non-profit hospice community. In my area of Florida we only have one non-profit left. The most well known hospice was recently sold to a private equity group for $600 million. Clearly services are going to be diminished so that the shareholders can earn back their purchase price. We need to be very careful in purchasing these services.

I created the forum as an "opt-in" member forum.

Richmond Shreve

NaCCRA Board Member

Forum Moderator

In addition to Death Doulas, we might explore the Death Cafe programs. A Death Cafe is a social gathering where anything related to death and dying may be discussed. It started in England when someone wanted to create a safe environment to talk abuot death without all the avoidance behaviors. Just the avoidance of the word "death" in conversaton reveals how charged the conversation is. We speak of someone passing, or transitioning, or departing, but don't say, "he's dead."

Wikipedia on Death Cafe

Online Death Cafe

Richmond Shreve

NaCCRA Board Member

Forum Moderator

CW Chapter of VaCCRA (Virginia) will host Erin Bishop. NigthSong Doulas, at our October Monthly meeting. Erin was our family’s End of Life Doula during my father’s recent peaceful passing at 102 years old. Erin’s expertise brought comfort, compassion and love to my father, his caregivers at Covenant Woods Manor East Healthcare (Nursing), our family and me. Because of the limitations in what Medicare covers during Hospice, Erin’s services were a blessing. In addition to the Indepenent residents, the CW Chapter Planning Team as included the families of residents in Healthcare also.

Richard.

I think a Forum topic on hospice and death and dying is an excellent idea. We will all get there and I believe most of us would like to peacefully die in our bed in our CCRC and not in a hospital connected to tubes and machines. I think this is a very relevant Forum topic for the NaCCRA.

Ben Henry

Future CCRC Resident

I only recently heard about "Death Doulas" and I am wondering if NaCCRA should have a forum for discussions on the general topic of Hospice Care and having a "Good Death." Here's an article if you're not familiar with Death Doulas.

Death Doulas -- A Compassionate Guide to Life's Final Chapter

Richmond Shreve

NaCCRA Board Member

Forum Moderator